Have you ever lost something so precious to you for the same reasons that you wanted it so bad?
It's been 58 years.
58 years that I've lived my life and I've felt that I missed every moment of it.
In that same 58 years, I've accomplished a lot of things
any other man would've only dreamed of.
Look at Ma and Pa, oh~ I was so lucky they're my parents.
Having been brought into this world with genes more desireable than the rest.
They are well rounded people. They are exceptionally bright as well as they are beautiful.
Lucky enough, I've inherited all of their qualities. Oh I was a dashing man in my 20s as I was in my 30s, you see.
I was brought up into the world. With a relatively happy family.
They've given me the best education money can buy.
And every little needs and wants a boy could have.
Of course, I never failed them.
I graduated college, with honors.
Companies were after me when I graduated, and it was no time at all
that I had a pretty stable job.
Years later, I've acquired enough money to start my own company.
And a couple more years, I was earning more than I could ever spend.
I was living the dream.
Pssh~
A dream.
It all sounds so desireable.
And everything about it seems to cause a blank rift
in that span of 58 years.
I was living the dream, yes.
But all along dreams aren't enough to keep you going
to live a life.
It's been 42 years, since I met her.
And it's been 40 years that I lost her.
The only woman in the world to have ever made me realize that such a life
is best lived.
And yet, here I am...
Living my hypocrisy.
We were young. Passionate.
And with all purity of love and passion,
We loved.
Everyday was a day worth living.
Everyday, a new day perhaps.
But then again, why did I ever lose her then.
Perhaps it was not all good.
Of course, we were human.
With human flaws and undesireabilities.
And that my own has caused her to distance.
That I couldn't fix that very flaw.
But How in GOD's name was I able to live this very life!
40 years ago, it was late july.
We had a fight of such human flaw.
Distance made.
Oh feelings were dying.
The passions of anger have taken over.
The heat of the moments have caused such words
to be said. Such actions dealt. Such goodbyes meant.
She would never give me another chance, I thought.
But I wanted to fix what was wrong in me.
Such an asshole I was.
And such a disgrace I be.
It's been 40 years since then. 40 years of regret.
I have changed for the better. I've lived a life of dream.
But she's never coming back to see things changed.
She's never going back to me.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Contemplation: Of Parents
Parents are supposed to be the guiding light to any kid.
We look up to them. Obey and disobey them.
Love and hate them. Need and reject them.
And at some point in time, be them.
We are kids right now.
We are cradled in the arms of our parents.
When we need to get out of trouble, we run to them.
When we need help, we ask them.
And in every other aspect of life, in this present stage of life,
we are very much dependent on them.
It is understood, this process of exchange.
The child demands his parents, and soon when he grows up
and his parents grow old, he will return the favor back as the parents demand.
We look up to them. Mom and Dad.
For us, they're strong.
And no matter how big or little our problems are,
we run crying to them.
And they would comfort us.
Advise us.
Push us towards the right direction.
The parents' responsibility.
Obligation?
Passion.
That's only when the winds blow right.
Parents are human beings too, thus they are limited by human imperfection.
At times when things go wrong, parents forget to be parents.
They seem to lose hold of the essence of parenthood.
Or rather, the responsibility that parents should attend to.
That's what makes things a little bit off track.
Parents can be so childish at times.
They act like kids and fight like kids too.
They can be unreasonable.
Unkind, short-sighted and biased.
They expect so much.
Yet never supported you.
They leave you, and when you come running for help.
They would rather say, "Stop complaining like a kid."
Why don't we just say, "Start being a parent."
Sigh~
It really bothers me so much when people tell me about their issues with their parents.
I haven't had much with mine. And it didn't really bother me when it was of mine, than it was for them.
I dunno.
Its such an insult to being parents.
When parents begin to first their own needs than their children.
I have always had this notion of parents giving way for their children.
Like my mom. And my dad. To some extent. Even though I can say that at some point,
they've reverted to being kids.
Even so, they weren't like them.
They won't drag us down to suit their wants over our own.
Or compromise everyone else's wants.
Unselfish.
I just don't know what to do.
When my friends talk about this.
Complain of their issues.
I feel sad. Or, more appropriately, infuriated.
As to point of logic, these parents seem to lack.
And as of point of anything worth mentioning, they lack so much.
They've proved me one thing though.
Even a Christian family.
Christian parents.
Are human in the sense of flaw.
And even in the sense of flaw and essence of Christianity,
they appear to be living contradictions to their doctrine.
We look up to them. Obey and disobey them.
Love and hate them. Need and reject them.
And at some point in time, be them.
We are kids right now.
We are cradled in the arms of our parents.
When we need to get out of trouble, we run to them.
When we need help, we ask them.
And in every other aspect of life, in this present stage of life,
we are very much dependent on them.
It is understood, this process of exchange.
The child demands his parents, and soon when he grows up
and his parents grow old, he will return the favor back as the parents demand.
We look up to them. Mom and Dad.
For us, they're strong.
And no matter how big or little our problems are,
we run crying to them.
And they would comfort us.
Advise us.
Push us towards the right direction.
The parents' responsibility.
Obligation?
Passion.
That's only when the winds blow right.
Parents are human beings too, thus they are limited by human imperfection.
At times when things go wrong, parents forget to be parents.
They seem to lose hold of the essence of parenthood.
Or rather, the responsibility that parents should attend to.
That's what makes things a little bit off track.
Parents can be so childish at times.
They act like kids and fight like kids too.
They can be unreasonable.
Unkind, short-sighted and biased.
They expect so much.
Yet never supported you.
They leave you, and when you come running for help.
They would rather say, "Stop complaining like a kid."
Why don't we just say, "Start being a parent."
Sigh~
It really bothers me so much when people tell me about their issues with their parents.
I haven't had much with mine. And it didn't really bother me when it was of mine, than it was for them.
I dunno.
Its such an insult to being parents.
When parents begin to first their own needs than their children.
I have always had this notion of parents giving way for their children.
Like my mom. And my dad. To some extent. Even though I can say that at some point,
they've reverted to being kids.
Even so, they weren't like them.
They won't drag us down to suit their wants over our own.
Or compromise everyone else's wants.
Unselfish.
I just don't know what to do.
When my friends talk about this.
Complain of their issues.
I feel sad. Or, more appropriately, infuriated.
As to point of logic, these parents seem to lack.
And as of point of anything worth mentioning, they lack so much.
They've proved me one thing though.
Even a Christian family.
Christian parents.
Are human in the sense of flaw.
And even in the sense of flaw and essence of Christianity,
they appear to be living contradictions to their doctrine.
Friday, June 27, 2008
I am not paranoid and possessive
It's not easy to be distant. To the person very dear to you.
I am not paranoid or possessive.
You're very distant lately.
I'm not really sure if you feel me back.
I still feel the same.
I know this much and I know that you're more than special.
Very important. You're different.
People come and go.
But you managed to stay.
And I always think of you.
every moment in time.
Every single one that comes and go.
Is a moment I wish you were here to stay.
I'm hoping for forever.
Now, you left.
I knew this was gonna happen.
I knew it, but I didn't want to think about it then.
Paths meet at a certain point in a journey. Sometimes people have to take different routes again.
Ack! I can't keep this up.
I just can't hold it in anymore.
Forget that poetic crap.
I'm going to rant and frolic around with hate and words.
Mehe.
So it's come to a point where we had to take different roads.
I anticipated that we at some other point, would make new friends.
It's no big deal. I shouldn't make such a fuss about it.
But I am not paranoid.
And I am not possessive.
So Pao enters the situation.
Who is this person?
I do not know.
But I will not tolerate you.
I don't care if you have a girlfriend.
I don't care at all.
I don't care if you say you're not interested with her.
Watch yourself.
And stay away.
If I see you anywhere near her.
If I see you.
Taking one step closer.
If I see you.
Make a move.
I will.
I will.
......
I am not paranoid or possessive.
You're very distant lately.
I'm not really sure if you feel me back.
I still feel the same.
I know this much and I know that you're more than special.
Very important. You're different.
People come and go.
But you managed to stay.
And I always think of you.
every moment in time.
Every single one that comes and go.
Is a moment I wish you were here to stay.
I'm hoping for forever.
Now, you left.
I knew this was gonna happen.
I knew it, but I didn't want to think about it then.
Paths meet at a certain point in a journey. Sometimes people have to take different routes again.
Ack! I can't keep this up.
I just can't hold it in anymore.
Forget that poetic crap.
I'm going to rant and frolic around with hate and words.
Mehe.
So it's come to a point where we had to take different roads.
I anticipated that we at some other point, would make new friends.
It's no big deal. I shouldn't make such a fuss about it.
But I am not paranoid.
And I am not possessive.
So Pao enters the situation.
Who is this person?
I do not know.
But I will not tolerate you.
I don't care if you have a girlfriend.
I don't care at all.
I don't care if you say you're not interested with her.
Watch yourself.
And stay away.
If I see you anywhere near her.
If I see you.
Taking one step closer.
If I see you.
Make a move.
I will.
I will.
......
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
A Hot Passionate Encounter
Recently, I had an amazingly hot and passionate "encounter"(debate/flame war) with an Animal Welfare Activist, it wasn't actually my intention of making an enemy of her. Nor was it my intention of butting into the issue she was discussing with a friend of mine.
I came across her and her discussion about dog meat legalization. A friend of mine was directly involved in it. And in which she wrote in her own blog about the encounter. I read over the discussion and in an almost obsessive compulsive reaction, I got irritated at how she carried her rebuttals of my friend's arguments and the fact that her grammar was rather well established. She was awesome really~ I can tell that much. She would laugh at the arguments and go on blabbing about herself, and her affiliation with this Animal Welfare group. It was outstanding! Really. It worked very well really, as it would completely divert the discussion and in a very graceful fashion avoid the very argument. If I knew any better, she was pro. Now, obsessive compulsive self decided to comment and attempt to push through with my friend's argument. Since, I also want to find out how she'd defend against it. And how she'd react to it. And quite honestly, I just wanted to piss her off. (Kidding) (No seriously). It didn't go any better. And I was hoping it'd be less personal and more objective. Well, she handled it fairly well. Like a very pro Politician with a big bag of names to call you by and personal attacks to throw at you. And I was forced to retaliate. Rawr.
Haha. I'd rather not elaborate on any detail regarding the actual discussion. Just click on those hot and sexy links up there. No spyware, viruses and stuff like that.
Well, anyway, the thing is. I just realized how utterly strange it was that there are people who would actually fight for the rights of animals in a country where people's rights need 'the fighting for' more. They'd rather wallow in their group fighting for animals as an expression of "humane" actions instead of helping other human beings whose rights are being breached. I don't really know much about animal welfare activists and their works and I don't mean to belittle issues regarding animal rights. But I do believe groups like this really should take into account it's place, time and practicality. There are much more important issues in our country right now. Issues that weigh more than fighting rights for animals. How bout fighting rights of fellow human beings? It's not fair that you help other creatures and ignore your own kind's needs.
PS: To the model / animal welfare activist / dirty politician with amazing grammar and logic,
you really are something. You gave your animal welfare group a baaaad name. You strut around with their name on your back.
As much as I wanted to avoid making a blog entry about this, I was compelled to. Not because I did it for you. But you gave me a wonderful new thing to think about. Oh my. ^_^. Thank you~ *^_^*
I came across her and her discussion about dog meat legalization. A friend of mine was directly involved in it. And in which she wrote in her own blog about the encounter. I read over the discussion and in an almost obsessive compulsive reaction, I got irritated at how she carried her rebuttals of my friend's arguments and the fact that her grammar was rather well established. She was awesome really~ I can tell that much. She would laugh at the arguments and go on blabbing about herself, and her affiliation with this Animal Welfare group. It was outstanding! Really. It worked very well really, as it would completely divert the discussion and in a very graceful fashion avoid the very argument. If I knew any better, she was pro. Now, obsessive compulsive self decided to comment and attempt to push through with my friend's argument. Since, I also want to find out how she'd defend against it. And how she'd react to it. And quite honestly, I just wanted to piss her off. (Kidding) (No seriously). It didn't go any better. And I was hoping it'd be less personal and more objective. Well, she handled it fairly well. Like a very pro Politician with a big bag of names to call you by and personal attacks to throw at you. And I was forced to retaliate. Rawr.
Haha. I'd rather not elaborate on any detail regarding the actual discussion. Just click on those hot and sexy links up there. No spyware, viruses and stuff like that.
Well, anyway, the thing is. I just realized how utterly strange it was that there are people who would actually fight for the rights of animals in a country where people's rights need 'the fighting for' more. They'd rather wallow in their group fighting for animals as an expression of "humane" actions instead of helping other human beings whose rights are being breached. I don't really know much about animal welfare activists and their works and I don't mean to belittle issues regarding animal rights. But I do believe groups like this really should take into account it's place, time and practicality. There are much more important issues in our country right now. Issues that weigh more than fighting rights for animals. How bout fighting rights of fellow human beings? It's not fair that you help other creatures and ignore your own kind's needs.
PS: To the model / animal welfare activist / dirty politician with amazing grammar and logic,
you really are something. You gave your animal welfare group a baaaad name. You strut around with their name on your back.
As much as I wanted to avoid making a blog entry about this, I was compelled to. Not because I did it for you. But you gave me a wonderful new thing to think about. Oh my. ^_^. Thank you~ *^_^*
With much Sarcasm
Rawr. XD.
Yet another blog.
I'll bet this'll die down too.
Let's say... In a couple of months. 2 months would be long. XD
Yet another blog.
I'll bet this'll die down too.
Let's say... In a couple of months. 2 months would be long. XD
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